I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
* Life is sexually transmitted.
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
*
__________________
Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
------------------------
SSN683 Association member
Par Excellence
------------------------------
2008 Bayliner 340 - "Wild Whim"
--------------------------------------
I live in my own little world....but it's okay-they know me here!!!
Avid practitioner of the martial art: KLIK-PAO.
Tap-Rack-Bang
Anyone that sez "Size doesn't matter" has never owned a boat!