Joke of the day

[seapuppy]

place your jokes on here..just add to this one..





A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big
"everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says
"Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow.
I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
store was locked up, the boss came down..
"How many customers bought something from you today? The kid says "one".

The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a
day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101,237.65". The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck
did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a
new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said
down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went
down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took
him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.."


The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a
BOAT, and a TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and
I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing."

[seapuppy]

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely
ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?'

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table.
'Young man, we're both 90 years old, we may not have 45 minutes.
They were seated immediately.
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The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, 'When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a
fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene** commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'
Carl said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'
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Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to
God. Looking up, he asks the Lord... 'God, what does a million years mean to you?'
The Lord replies, 'A minute.'
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?' The Lord replies, 'A penny.'
'Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'
'The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'
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A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?'
'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?'
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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last
request, dear,' he said.
Of course, John,'his wife said softly.
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'
'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said.
With his last breath John said, 'I do!'
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A man goes to see the Rabbi.
'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.'
The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?' The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'
the Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'
The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?'
The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what.. Let me talk to her, I'll see
what I can find out and I'll let you know.'
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, 'Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.** ** You want my advice?
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, 'Take the poison.



Steve